Last Night…

Our youth group has been going through a study on Biblical dating and last night they were given the opportunity to talk to a few couples in our church and hear about and ask questions about their dating and marriage relationships.  Our youth pastor chose to not include me and my husband; he said that our youth already knew our story and many had already sought us out for advice and therefore he chose other couples.  Even though we were not participating in the panel, we both attended.

During the question and answer time, my heart broke because I figured out that the reason we were not asked to participate might have been very different than what we were told; the reality that David and I would have been more the “Don’t” than the “Do” portion of the conversation was probably more likely the reason that we had been left off the panel. The couples chosen were all happily married – They all were perfect examples of positive, healthy dating relationships and marriages - one couple even said they had never gone through any tough times in their 39 years together.  All had met young, had healthy dating relationships, fell in love with each other, chose purity, married, some had children, and are now in the process of growing old together even though they ranged in age from fairly newlyweds to a couple married for 35 years.  

Our story is much different.  When we met, I was still married to another man and David was in a relationship with another woman.  David was not a believer; I was not living my beliefs at all.  David was into all manner of illegal activities and it didn’t take me long to choose my feelings for him over the wise thing to do in that situation – which was to run.  Last night the couples  talked about boundaries – we had none.  We were, I was, lost as a ball in high grass. 

My life was so far off track that I didn’t really even recognize myself when I looked in the mirror and David, in all fairness, had no idea at that point that he was lost.  We lived in this unhealthy state until my divorce was final and we then decided somewhere along the way to get married.  The realization that David and I have done almost everything in the “dating” and “marriage” arena not just poorly but flat out wrong is crushing.  While hearing the stories of the other couples last night, I felt so unworthy; not just compared to these other couples, but unworthy to even be in the position to give advice to these young people because nothing I did was right or good or worthy.   My heart was broken last night for what we weren’t… worthy  to tell our story.

But then this morning...

God spoke quietly to me and reminded me that He has made us worthy – in every way.  And that, like David and me, some of the young people in that room are going to choose the wrong road.  They are going to hear these wonderful stories of love and how it’s supposed to be and still make wrong choices in their own lives.  They are going to grow up in homes where the example of what a great marriage is supposed to look like is set before them like a perfect picture of God’s love, just like I did, and still make unwise, unhealthy choices in their own lives.

At some point, they are going to need to be told of and know the power of God’s love, forgiveness, and redemption.   I know that power.  I know of God’s forgiveness and redemption in a real and deep way.  I know the depth of despair that bad choices can land you in and I know the power of God’s love and restoration to make all things clean and white and pure again.  I know this because it is exactly what He has done in my life, my marriage and in my family.  He has redeemed what once was a horrible mess.   I know that when you lay your sin down at the cross, He (only He), can give life to what is dead.  I know that no matter my bad choices, because of the work He has done in my life – I am worthy – because He made me worthy. 

I am so in love with my Jesus.  I am so grateful that He didn’t leave me in the state He found me.  I am forever forgiven, forever loved, forever purified, forever worthy.